This Love Found Us
by xXxThe Phantom's RosexXx
Summary: "Baby, when I'm yellin' at you, it's not your fault...Baby cuz I'm crazy for you." EClare songfic


**Author's Note: Okay, I am addicted to AWOLNATION, and when I first heard this song, it reminded me so much of Clare and Eli's relationship, and Eli's sturggles with Bipolar Disorder. I do not own Degrassi (but if someone offered me Eli and Adam, I certainly wouldn't decline), nor do I own AWOLNATION. Reviews are the cotton candy ice cream to my sprinkle cone! Enjoy!**

This Love Found Us

_She was built with a brain__  
__And some swagger.__  
__A little scream, little cry,__  
__Little laughter.__  
__She's a ten,__  
__I'm a joke in my own mind.__  
__But she still loves to dance__  
__With my punch lines.  
__This love found us  
__Now I see it.  
__This love up down.  
__Please believe._

_Baby, when I'm yellin' at you,__  
__It's not your fault__  
__It's not your fault, yeah and__  
__Baby cuz I'm crazy for you,__  
__It's not your fault__  
__It's not your fault, yeah__  
__Maybe I'm a little confused,__  
__It's not your fault__  
__It's not your fault, yeah and__  
__Baby, it a wonderful news.__  
__It's not your fault__  
__It's not your fault, yeah_

Eli sat on the stairs, staring at the front door she had walked out of just a few minutes prior. He knew he was to blame. He shouldn't have yelled at her like he had. It had just been a tough day at work…but that was still no excuse, and Eli knew that. He thought back to their fight and how all she had asked was how his dad had been. He had told her that he didn't want to talk about it, but Clare had pushed it.

She had asked him again, and then accused him of not wanting to talk to her or share things with her anymore. She had such a sad look on her face, and Eli wanted to grab her and hold her in his arms and kiss her on top of the head and tell her that he loved her and spill his guts out about what a shitty day he had had. But she had pestered him, and had yelled at him – well, maybe not yelled exactly, but it was still enough to wake up the demon in him.

As she had stood in front of him, arms crossed over her chest and a look of hurt and confusion in her eyes, Eli's pulse quickened. His blood turned to soda in his veins, and fizzled and burned with each fast-paced pump of his heart. He felt his cheeks flush, and his mouth go dry. He felt all sensation leave his body. His head tumbled and spun and spilled. His stomach sloshed and jumped and fell and flopped.

"I told you, I don't want to fucking talk about it!" He had shouted at her. Clare had taken a step back. She was used to dealing with the mood swings, but this one had been so unexpected. Maybe she had had a bad day too, and Eli snapping at her didn't make it any better. Eli held his face in his hands, and shook his head. She had walked out. She had never walked out before. He must have really fucked up this time.

She was so perfect. Everything about her was so perfect – her smile, her laugh, the way her eyes lit up and sparkled like big lapis crystals, the way she played with her curls when she was shy or nervous, the way he could make her blush with one look, one kiss. Everything about her was absolutely perfect. Why she was with him was still a mystery to Eli, even after all of these years. She knew better. She knew what he was like, and what he was capable of. She knew he was a screw up. She knew he was fucking mentally ill. She knew all of that, and yet she had remained with him…after all these years.

And in the duration of all those years, and all those fights, she had never once walked out the door. This time was different though. She had been really hurt by what he said, and he hadn't even seemed to care. And he didn't. It wasn't until the episode subsided did he really care and realize what he had said, what he had done. It was the sound of the mahogany door slamming shut behind her that had awoken him from his trance. Eli had just stood there, wanting to chase after her and apologize, but his feet wouldn't work right, and he just stood in place.

He had heard the car pull out of the driveway, and he had wondered if maybe this would be it. Maybe this was the day Clare would finally come to her senses and wake up and realize that he was no good. Maybe this would be the day that she'd finally leave him, head off to some hotel somewhere, and call up her lawyer. Maybe this would be the end to all her misery. Maybe she would finally have grown the balls to realize she needed to be free of the monster she had mistakenly married. _**  
**_**  
**_Oh, it's not that you should care._  
_I just wanted you to know._

_I'm a fight with myself_  
_Till I'm bleeding._  
_Just a taste of your skin_  
_Starts the healing._  
_Anyone from my past_  
_Get your ammo._  
_Find my sun in the dark side_  
_Of my shadow._

Eli lifted his head up, mashed his fingers to the inside of his palm, and slammed the fist into the wall. He had left a hole, and his hand was smarting. He noticed the traces of rusty crimson on the drywall, and realized his knuckles were oozing rubies. He didn't even care about the pain. The pain of his hand – of anything he would or could do to himself – would be nothing compared to the pain he felt from knowing he had hurt her. He wanted her back, but he knew it was for the best. Clare needed to be free of him. Now he wouldn't be able to hurt anymore. It was over. The fights, the pain…it was all over.

He just wasn't cut out for relationships, Eli reminded himself. How could anyone possibly want to be with a monster? How could anyone want to be married to the beast? He felt like some creature from a medieval fantasy. He had captured the fair maiden and had held her hostage. He had had his way with her, and now she had finally left. And he felt empty.

Eli knew he couldn't just sit on the steps forever. He forced himself up, and made his way to the kitchen to check on the chicken Clare had put in the oven before their fight. It was slightly charred, but he knew he needed to eat. He fixed a plate of burnt chicken, and sat down at the dining room table, alone.

He tried to imagine what it would be like if he hadn't yelled at her. They could be eating dinner together right now. She could be candidly telling him about her day at the newspaper, and he could be smiling as he watched her eyes light up. He would tell her that his day had been kind of crummy – how his boss had yelled at him, and how he had gotten a flat tire, and how he had gotten gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe – and he would tell her how none of it mattered. He would tell her that all that mattered was being home with her.

_This love found us_  
_Now I see it._  
_This love up down._  
_Please believe._

The front door opened, and along with a flurry of snow, Clare blustered her way inside. She slammed the door behind her, and pulled off her snow-peppered coat. She ran her hands through her hair, shaking out the flurries. Eli's fork dropped from his hand and clamored onto his plate.

"Clare?"

"It's a freakin' blizzard out there," she hung her coat on the hook, and made her way into the living room, "Hockey puck for dinner?" She raised an eyebrow at the charred meat on his plate.

"I wasn't thinking about getting the chicken out of the oven after you left," Eli admitted, shoving his plate towards the middle of the table, "I thought you left."

"Yeah, well I did."

"For good, I mean?"

Clare let out a laugh that reminded Eli of wind chimes, "And why in the world would I do something like that, Eli Goldsworthy?"

"Because I yelled at you?"

"Please," Clare sat down at the chair next to him, "I just figured you needed some time to chill out. You clearly didn't have a good day, and I didn't really feel like being yelled at, so I just left. I am sorry if I freaked you out. You should know better than to think I had actually left you for good?"

"I deserve that," Eli told her, "I deserve for you to leave me. I am not good for you, Clare. I am a monster. I yell at you and I hurt you and I try so hard to control it…but sometimes I just can't."

"I know," Clare placed a hand on his, "But we get through, and we manage. I am never going to leave you, Eli. Geeze. Don't even think that for a second."

"I love you, Clare. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Eli. And this love that we have…it's stronger than your Bipolar. It's stronger than the mood swings and the hateful words."

Eli knew she was right, "Tell me, how was your day?" He asked her.

"Well…I got some pretty big news I wanted to share with you," Clare blushed and looked down at their hands that were still intertwined, "But I didn't want to tell you when you were so upset."

"Okay," Eli was a little nervous. He had no idea what to expect, and with Clare, it could be anything, "Let me guess…your story on the Migrations of Birds in Northern Canada is going to be on the front page?"

Clare gagged, "I hate that they asked me to write that dumb thing," she rolled her eyes, "But no, that's not it."

"Um…we won the lottery!"

"Eli," Clare giggled, "Do you want me to just tell you?"

"Sure," he agreed, "Shoot. What's the big news."

"Eli…we're pregnant!"

"What?" Eli practically choked on his own saliva, "What do you mean we're pregnant?"

"Well, you see…"

"No, no I get it…it's just…wow! We're pregnant!"

"I wanted to tell you earlier, but…well you were so angry. I thought I'd give you some time to calm down before I broke the news to you."

Eli suddenly felt like an absolute fool. He had sat on that step and cried thinking Clare had finally left him. Didn't he know that she loved him? Didn't he know that despite his illness, she still adored him? Eli laughed and jumped from his chair to hug and kiss his wife.

"And you thought I was leaving you," Clare rolled her eyes, "Oh Eli!"

"I'm so sorry for yelling at you," Eli shook his head, "Geeze, Clare, I am so sorry. Sometimes…I just get so frustrated and you…well you drive me crazy," he smiled to let her know he wasn't angry.

"At least it wasn't a far drive," Clare grinned, and reached up to kiss him.

"How do I deserve you?"

"Because even if you don't realize it," Clare told him, "You are wonderful."

"Clare," Eli touched his forehead to hers, "We're going to have a baby."

"Yes," she said on a breath, "We are. I love you."

"I love you too, Blue Eyes. So much."

**Author's Note: It's not my best because I am a tad rushed, but I just wanted to share this with y'all! Enjoy! And check out AWOLNATION! **


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